Is there shame in self care for you?
While the self-care and skincare market is booming, there is still a lot of shame for everyone, and especially for women around self-care, as we are conditioned to feel as if we need to be productive at all times or as if prioritising ourselves is selfish.
For me, in the past, I’ve tried to take a moment for myself, and directly after, I’ll feel a pang of guilt, a wave of anxiety, and a twinge of shame.
Oftentimes, self-care does not feel like self-care for many people because their mind is always running tasks in the background. They don’t truly know how to shut off, and every time they try to think about putting work to the side, it’s like a syntax error. Peopel dread coping with the profound shame that they feel, and the overcompensation that they commit to after taking a break. So, to many, it oftentimes doesn’t feel worth it.
shame is described as an intense emotion accompanied by a negative evaluation of the self (Benetti-McQuid & Bursik, 2005).” This psychotherapist was saying how “when an individual does not meet certain expectations set by oneself or societal norms, it can evoke feelings of shame. When a person feels shame, they experience feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, and a sense of being alone in their experiences (Hahn, 2009). Shame is central to conscience and identity, and it lowers self-functioning. It can be a source of low self-esteem, poor body image, and diminished self-confidence.
when it comes to shame, having compassion for oneself is a powerful weapon against shame.
Self-kindness versus self-judgment refers to treating oneself with kindness and compassion when experiencing failure and pain, as opposed to judging oneself harshly.
Given this, I think self-care is a form of applying self-compassion. When you take a moment, you validate your human experience. And to be present within that moment, you must accept your exhaustion rather than judge it. For example, when I’m relaxing or trying to do something nice for myself, I judge myself as unmotivated, lazy, or spoiled. I will even feel repugnance with myself at times.
I see myself as a moral person, but at the end of the day, integrity and compassion isn’t just about treating others well. It’s about treating myself with kindness and respect as well. I also have to start addressing those feelings of shame in that moment, rather than pressing them down, continuing to work, and calling them weakness.
Of course, some environments demand us to push our limits, but there is a line.
There is always a line.
Moreover, we have to concede that continuing to work isn’t going to destroy feelings of exhaustion and low self-worth. We have to be wary of how we’ve been conditioned.
Likewise, I’ve found mindfulness is a great way to guard against this, and it is one of the first steps to rewiring our thoughts around toxic productivity and mitigating shame. And as I mentioned before, self-care is a wonderful way to apply mindfulness and self-compassion.
When a woman come into the salon, many times she will bring some shame around taking care of herself, i don’t see it that much with men though…
Self care and taking care of your skin and enjoying a well deserved me time is not selfish, is essential for your emotional, physical and mental health (and yes, for your skin…).
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